Bereavement Rituals
From "The Psychosocial Aspects of Death
and Dying"
by Dr. John D. Canine
Bereavement rituals, which are practiced by all
societies in a variety of ways, have one common theme. They have
tremendous therapeutic value in areas of transition, that is, moving on
with one's life. Rituals provide healing, continuity, and balance if the
greater if the griever believes there is a meaning in them (Van Der Hart
1983)
Moreover, Theresa Rando (1984) offers, "A
ritual is a specific behavior or activity that gives symbolic expression
to certain feelings and thoughts of the actor or actors, individually, or
as a group. It may be habitually repeated or a one-time occurrence"
(p. 104). An example of ritual is the committal service (see figure below)
in which we take the deceased from the land of the living to the land of
the dead (cemetery). We, the living, commit the deceased to another state.
We have a processional or parade acknowledging our commitment, then get
back in our cars and journey back to the land of the living to live
without the one who has died. This is the outward symbol of what we do
during the grieving process. In our grief, we let the loved one go to the
life hereafter, then we journey back to the land of the living to form new
relationships. The committal service happens in the first two or three
days after the loss, when the mourners are deep in grief, so it is not
easy. Even so, we leave the land of the dead to start our life again. The
journey back is what we must strive to complete. 
Rituals are an essential element in our journey
through the grief process. They provide various means of expressing
emotions and talking through our feelings. Rituals give us permission to
discharge our distress over the loss. More specifically, rituals permit
the following:
- A well-defined acting out - For instance,
sending flowers for the funeral, contributing to a memorial fund,
delivering special, home-cooked dishes to the home of the bereaved,
and helping with the funeral arrangements are all actions we might
take to demonstrate support, comfort and caring. Through these
actions, we try to beautify death to make it more palatable. Rituals
allow us to experience the closeness we had with the deceased one more
time. We celebrate passing into life after death, sensing that our
loved one is moving to a better life. "Better is the day of man's
death than the day of man's birth" (Ecclesiastics 7:1). Rituals
bring us comfort. They initiate the acceptance of our loss.
- Expression of feeling - During the ritual, we
can express feelings that we might otherwise withhold. Rituals provide
an environment in which grieving and crying are acceptable.
- A rehearsal of the entire grief process - Every
ritual is a miniature grief process. It channels grief into a defined
activity with a beginning, an ending, and a well-defined purpose.
Dr. John D. Canine is director of Maximum
Living Associates, in Birmingham Michigan. Dr. Canine and his staff
have counseled many individuals and families following a loss of a family
member. Maximum Living Associates works in partnership with funeral Homes
throughout Michigan, Ohio, Illinois, and Florida, and are expanding their
services to other areas as well.
|