Glimpses of God
by Michelle
Peele
The following is an excerpt from the book Glimpses of
God by Michelle Peele. Mrs. Peele's daughter died in an
automobile accident, and this chronicles one of the events between Mrs.
Peele and her daughter, MacKenzie, that took place afterwards.
By now, the waiting room was full. The word had
spread. Everyone wanted to see Morgan. Everyone wanted to
console, talk or hug. I wanted to go home, and we did. The
darkness. Oh, you hear about it. You read about it. But
what do they mean, darkness? It is real. It is a black
tunnel. I know it was my body's way of protecting me, to shelter
me. It was as frightening to me as the events that brought it.
It was shock. Regardless, it was another of the surprising events
that pain places in front of you.
MacKenzie arrived at home at 1:30 pm on March 6. by
then the [new] house was full of people, and still the miserable boxes
were everywhere. Flowers were arriving. One woman delivered
roses in tears. She had just delivered "celebration roses"
the day before on on e of the happiest days of our lives. Now she
delivered condolence roses on the saddest day of our lives. Ed and
friends started moving boxes onto the porch to allow more room in the
house. I needed to run away. MacKenzie came out on the porch
with me. I wailed like a bawling calf for its mother. I told
her I wanted just fifteen minutes with Morgan and that I needed to be with
her. I wanted to take those minutes and make sure she knew how much
I loved her and hear her tell me how much she loved me. I wanted to
go be with her!
This was the first of many suicidal thoughts I had.
MacKenzie said that I could not have that time with Morgan and that I
couldn't leave my other daughters, so please don't even think it.
She said that I would get an answer from Morgan, but not in the way I
imagined. It would not be a conversation with her, but something
would surface and show me an answer to my needs. I cried. I
did not want to be on this earth without Morgan. We were a matched
set of buttons and now one was missing...and now all the buttons would
have to change.
We started emptying boxes to put our energy to good
use. I reached down and handed MacKenzie some kitchen items.
Something caught my eye. A piece of white paper stuck between some
box flaps. I pulled it out and found that it was last year's
Mother's Day card from Morgan. She was artistic and always made me
cards. It read, "Thank you for loving me Mom, I love you back a
whole lot." That was what I needed. That was my fifteen
minutes with Morgan that calmed my many doubts and fears.
Glimpse of God: God granted me the
finishing of our home. Morgan's graduation into heaven would be
honored by many, and it was. He knew we would need the room, for the
house we had lived in and rented for the past six months was tiny.
God came when I needed Him. At the moment of desperation on the
porch, He gave me the card with the answers I needed. God is always
there when you need Him most. He works on His timetable and He
decides when it is beyond our being able to handle it.
This excerpt is used with the permission of the author.
|