A family can indeed move from grief to healing, but not without some effort. You clung together at the funeral, but now you may be drifting apart. You may feel abandoned, unsupported in your grief. You might find yourself nursing resentment, perhaps even lashing out at the people closest to you. Will you ever recover the closeness you once had? Let these steps outlined here help draw you together.

Understand the Deep Connections

Caught in your own grief, it may be difficult for you to see the impact this loss has had on your family as a whole. The death of one family member severs a lot of different relationships, leaving everyone off balance. Since everyone grieves differently, one person’s anger, another’s depression, and a third’s regrets can also strain family relationships.

Some folks find it difficult to express their feelings. Invite dialogue by describing your own feelings. Your lead may draw out their reactions to the loss. Active listening is another way to help emotions find words. Active listening means hearing the emotions behind the words and checking the accuracy of your perception. Above all, accept whatever feelings your loved one expresses as valid, even if they are not "nice".

Find Ways to Pray Together

Death has a nasty habit of throwing religious certainties into question. Explore each other’s concepts of God: friend, comforter or bully.

Recall together elements in the funeral service that comforted you, and offer thanks for these gifts and others - such as the support of friends. Also remember in your prayers the concerns that were close to the deceased and do not forget to speak of your loneliness, fears and memories.

Celebrate Creatively

Rethink your holiday customs. The festivities will be shadowed by your loss no matter what you do. Create celebrations that allow people to grieve openly. Plan family memorial pilgrimages to places that are important in your family history. Revisit the places that hold happy memories.

Each of you still holds something of the person you have lost. Each family members memory preserves a different facet of your loved one. As you learn to reach out to each other in your grief, you will draw closer together.

Written by Carol Luebering

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This is an excerpt from the Care Notes Booklet "Grieving As A Family"
Published by Abbey Press and is reprinted with permission of the publisher.

To request a copy, call 893-3232