Managing The Loss
How can I learn to manage the loss?
Promote the "grief work."
Face the crisis actively so as to realize the full reality of what has
happened. By viewing the body of the deceased and discussing the
death with friends at the visitation, you can begin to accept the
permanency of the loss. Although it is painful, it is this pain
which activates the healing process.
Surround yourself with friends and family.
Begin during the acute phase to accept the sympathy of people.
You need their warmth and support at the critical moments and throughout
the grief stages. Do not be afraid to cry with them. Receiving
friends at the funeral home is one way to allow others to show they
care. Let them know you appreciate their concern.
Avoid medications such as sedatives.
Although drugs may provide some needed relief, they must not be taken
for the purpose of avoiding grief entirely. Remember, the grief work
must be done in order to make the adjustment.
Refrain from making hasty decisions.
Immediately taking a trip or changing your residence is not the
answer. You must cope with the loss first, knowing that
"running away" will not help. Avoid making serious
financial decisions until you have had time to secure proper advice.
Recall the unforgettable memories.
Sometimes bereaved individuals feel the solutions to the grief is to
attempt to "forget." However, it is good to recall the
life of the deceased. By recognizing the wealth of the past, you can
understand the grief is worth the time spent together.
Consult with professionals if grief becomes intense.
Feel free to contact your clergy man, physician or funeral
director. They are excellent listeners. Those familiar with
the grief process may provide valuable counsel.
Avoid relying totally on the advice of friends.
Often, well meaning friends may be unfamiliar with the stages of grief
or unaware of your true needs. Realize their intentions are
certainly in your interest, but sometimes their advice may be misdirected.
Share your feelings with others.
Relate your problems and memories to those who will listen. Do
not hesitate to repeat these time and again. Revealing your thoughts
openly helps to alleviate emotional pain.
Establish goals for yourself.
Concentrating on serving others and developing new interests will
relieve your loneliness and give new purpose to your life. You may
volunteer to serve in a charitable organization or help individuals in
need. Consider seeking further education, increasing your
involvement in work, and joining service or travel clubs as ways of adding
new meaning to your life.
Maintain hope.
Paint a realistic picture of what pain you may face. The "grief
work" will help to overcome the intensified pressures of grief.
Eventually you will remember the good times, and the bad ones will
fade. Remember, when death comes....part of the deceased lives on
with the survivor.
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