Seven Ways To Help
A Bereaved Friend
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F |
Find The
Time. Most people "find the time' to pay their respects
at the wake or visitation, or to attend the funeral, but seldom keep
"finding the time" to stay in touch with bereaved friends.
At the time of the death and for many months afterward, your companionship
and thoughtful concern are very important! Since bereaved persons
seldom call for help when they need a friend, make it your business to
"find the time" and call on them. |
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R |
Respond.
Bereaved persons need to be reassured that no matter what has happened, or
is yet to come, there are people who genuinely care for them, and who
cared about the deceases. However, expressions that say "I
understand" or attempt to explain "why", often carry
unintentional assumptions that do more harm than good. As a rule,
remember:
A simple hug or handshake will show them that
you care;
They'll appreciate a memr'y, if a short on you
can share;
But as much as any other thing you give a
grieving friend,
It's your patient gift of listening he'll
remember in the end. |
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I |
Involve.
Involvement with others is the very elixir of life, but finding your place
in the human race is tough when you are suddenly running solo.
Encourage your friend to become involved again but resist the temptation
to become a "match-maker". Expect him or her to relate
differently to old friends and allow enough "latitude" for him
or her to try on new roles. In short "involve" the
bereaved person in life again by inviting them to share freely in yours. |
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E |
Encourage.
True encouragement is more than just a pat on the back with a handful of
platitudes! It is born of an honest belief in someone and must be
communicated sincerely in both word and deed. It is the power that
gives us the strength to believe in ourselves. Like vitamin C, you
need a little encouragement every day. If you would help a grieving
friend, be sure you give your share - today. |
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N |
Never Assume.
Never assume you cannot make a difference. It was Longfellow who
wrote, "Give what you have, to someone, it may be far greater than
you dare to think". The three most important things we have to
give to each other are our time, our undivided attention and our unfailing
love. The least important is our advice. |
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D |
Deserve
Confidence. The word "confidence" is derived from
the word "confide" and alludes precisely to that quality of
trust we place in our true friends. If the burdens of greif are to
be born successfully they must be shared, "confided", with
someone we can trust implicitly. As friends, when we are called upon
to share another's sorrow, we must keep watch of oursleves that we alsways
deserve such "confidence". |
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S |
Share Your
Friendship Frequently. Bereaved persons often feel isolated
because friends are unsure of what to say. Usually, a cordial
inquiry will open a conversation but from there it is best to let your
friend lead the way. Try not to make judgments or give advice unless
asked, but know that learning to express all the mixed emotions of grief
is the key to their healing. As the sun's rays help heal the body,
so friendship is a sunshine to the soul. Share your friendship
frequently, and let its light shine in the darkness of those you love. |