Strategies for Conventional Grievers
- Joining support groups
- Identifying others in their environment as sources of support and
understanding
- Allowing time to experience inner pain
- Openly expressing feelings
- Temporarily withdrawing from, or limiting, obligations that might
interfere with their ability to experience and express their feelings
- Choosing other mediums for the expression of feelings (e.g., keeping
a personal journal, bibliotherapy)
Strategies for Masculine Grievers
- Shelving thoughts and feelings in order to meet obligations, then
dosing them when it is appropriate
- Choosing active means of expressing grief (e.g., physical exercise,
competitive sports, hobbies, creating a memorial)
- Using humor or other ways of expressing feelings (but managing anger
and aggression)
- Seeking companionship (in lieu of support)
- Using solitude as a way of reflection, adaptation
- Bibliotherapy, maintaining a journal
This is not to say that "masculine" grievers should avoid
talking about their grief, but they should try to make that communication
compatible with their own style. For example, masculine grievers may be
more comfortable discussing reactions rather than feelings.
It is crucial that no one be mistaken as a masculine griever when, in
fact, the absence of outward distress may signal future problems. The key
point, however, is that masculine grieving is genuine, not an artifact of
the John Wayne Syndrome, and that grievers should choose an adaptive style
that works for them, not for others.
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