The Emotions of Grief
Generally, grief occurs following a loss by death, but may
follow any separation. The bereaved comes to accept the separation
and to readjust to the environment in which the deceased is missing
through a process called "grief work." A grieving person
may experience some or all of the following:
Shock And Denial "I just don't believe
it!"
The first actual announcement that a death has occurred is
often shocking. The impact of the tragedy may take a few minutes or
a few days to be realized. The unreality of the death may even
reoccur occasionally in the future.
Emotional Release "I can't stop crying."
Crying is a normal reaction to a death.
Psychiatrists often emphasize it is a necessity to release tensions and
feelings rather than lock them inside. The opportunity to express
grief at the funeral with family and friends permits and emotional
release, although the grief process usually takes longer to complete.
Loneliness "Without him I might as well be
dead!"
A feeling of emptiness may occur after the funeral as friends
return to their own activities. Therefore, the feelings of
loneliness, isolation and depression become more intense. The
thought that no one has ever suffered as much may exist. For some
people the lonely feeling leaves suddenly. For others, it may take
months to move to the next phase of grief.
Pain "I just can't bear it!"
Anxiety and loneliness can create emotional pain.
This strain of grief can even cause physical distress. If the
physical signs continue for a lengthy period of time, it is possible a
healthy adjustment has not occurred.
Guilt "I should have done more for him."
Frequently survivors recall things that could have been
done for the person who died. This realistic guilt is common.
Sometimes, a person will experience unrealistic guilt stemming from a
situation which was uncontrollable. This type of guilt is irrational
and must be discussed. Unresolved guilt, whether "normal"
or "neurotic" may be harmful physically and mentally.
Often, arranging a meaningful funeral can redirect the feelings of the
grieving person into something positive and uplifting.
Panic "Oh, what am I going to do?"
It may become difficult to concentrate on anything because
of constant memories of the deceased. In fact, the continual
preoccupation with the loss may cause a person to worry about his own
stability. He may fear losing control. Not knowing what to do
and not understanding what is happening can result in panic.
Anger "Oh, God, why me?"
After dealing with personal guilt, it becomes natural to
look for someone else to blame. There may be hostility toward the
physician, nurses, persons surrounding the accident or anyone who
seemingly could have prevented the death. These feelings of anger
must be expressed. It is best to disclose them to a tolerant and
sympathetic listener.
Depression "Will life ever be worth living
again?"
A feeling of weariness develops from depression and
frustration. Sometimes suffering in silence seems easier than
socializing. Forcing yourself to get involved in activities will
help relieve the depressed feelings. When the despair mounts,
contact someone who will listen.
Healing "I now realize the meaning of
friends."
Through the affection and encouragement of friends and
family, gradually a new meaning for life unfolds. As you begin to
enter into activities, your mood will brighten, and life will begin to
take on a new perspective.
Readjustment "Knowing I'm adjust to life again
would please him."
The acuteness of the death will diminish as readjustment
begins. This stage may take time. Then recalling the deceased
becomes a pleasant experience and planning for the future becomes
realistic.
Related article: How
can I learn to manage the loss?
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