The Value Of The Funeral

Funeral customs are evolving and there is no "right" or "wrong" funeral.  While Traditional Funerals may vary in different regions of the country they usually involve very similar customs.  Cremation is another option, but the selection of cremation does not mean that a family cannot include many of the customs involved in a traditional service.  No matter what type of service a family may select, the funeral should be Personalized to reflect the life of the deceased.  The many different parts of any funeral each have specific values to the bereaved family:

• Seeing the deceased helps a person overcome denial that the death has occurred. Until this is accepted, no progress can be made in resolving a person's grief.
• Visitation, or gathering friends and family together at the funeral home, helps provide emotional support so needed at this time.
• The funeral ceremony can be individualized to reflect the life of the deceased. By including religious beliefs, reflections of occupations, hobbies of the deceased, and memories of the family and friends, we can make the ceremony meaningful and comforting to the family members. This time of remembrance and memorialization often draws meaning from the deceased's life and reminds us that we will never forget them.
• Committal to the earth, or interment, of the remains is the final act we can do for our loved one, by placing them in their final resting place.

Why do we have funerals?

Why indeed? Vernie Fountain, founder of the Fountain National Academy, recently stated these observations in an interview published in the June 1997 issue of "Today in Death Care". "Anywhere in the world you go, there are certain constants present in each society. In some of the oriental societies, when you are met, there is some sign of greeting. In oriental countries, it's a bow. It may be a kiss on the cheek or a handshake, as in America, along with a greeting such as, Hello, Good morning, or How are you? These initiated a point of contact with another human being.

The other thing that we see as we grow up, is that when we part company with another human being, there is some illustration - exchanging a hug, a handshake or a bow, and there's something we do fairly consistently. We say, 'Goodbye' or 'See you tomorrow at work', etc.

So if I came to your house, sat down at your table and had a cup of coffee and we were having this wonderful conversation and then all of a sudden stood up and walked out of the house without saying something, you would feel out of balance. You're going to feel like, 'What did I do?' 'Did I make Vernie mad?' Now, if I wanted to correct that situation so that you wouldn't feel bad, I'd shake your hand and say 'Goodbye. See you later'.

Which brings to the wife who has hugged her husband goodbye this morning, and 15 minutes later he's killed in an accident. She will have an inherent need to have some time - before the funeral service - to tell him 'Goodbye'. This is the value of the funeral that we may offer the family, and we must be very careful that we do not take away this very important time for our families to say 'Goodbye' for the last time.